Interesting Question
Recently, in one of my Facebook parenting groups, somebody posted asking a question about members’ thoughts on boundaries. I found it extremely interesting that the poser stated in other parenting groups, one supported them while another did not.
I’ll put my response to the original post below.
My Thoughts
This is interesting. Thinking about your question, I am answering it from two perspectives – teacher and parent.
I have always followed respectful interactions/parenting, which naturally aligned with my personality and teaching style. Connection and relationships have always been my top priority before academics. Kids learn more when they feel respected, included, heard and valued. It isn’t fair to put so much expectation on a young child. Their brains are developing, and sometimes aren’t sure of what they are feeling/wanting; they need help.
I operate with the motto ‘structure within flexibility’. My experiences have shown me kids do need some type of structure, they thrive off it! It’s good for them to know expectations. The ‘how’ and ‘when’ things happen are better when flexible (e.g. learning different routines such as morning class set up, getting ready for bed, eating dinner, and leaving the house to go out). I’ve found this helps kids transition easier as they know what to expect when the time comes, but it can easily be completed at different times when needed.
I believe that the language used and how/what is said has a significant impact. The language I use varies depending on what I want to communicate. If it’s something that must happen (e.g. changing a nappy), I approach my child and say, “I must change your nappy; would you prefer to do it now or in a few minutes?” Phrasing it this way communicates that this will happen but includes them in the decision-making process so they have some control over the situation. If it’s a situation where it doesn’t matter either way (e.g. offering a snack), I say it similarly but state options instead, “if you are hungry and want something to eat, would you like some strawberries or grapes?”
I am raising my child to have autonomy over their body and to listen to its cues. I do like the idea behind DOR, but I follow it loosely. I create the same meal for everyone and present it as family style for most meals. Each meal includes preferred foods, newer foods and non-preferred foods. Everyone chooses what and how much they want to eat. If they are hungry as I prepare dinner, I offer some to snack on until it’s finished cooking.
What do you think about setting boundaries for your kids?
I’m interested to know your thoughts.
Shana x
